First concert of the summer-Hinder, Staind, & 3 Doors Down

Last night was our first summer concert of 2008. We enjoyed Hinder, Staind, and 3 Doors Down at Darien Lake. Now I'll be honest, as much as I love music, I wasn't as excited to see this concert as I usually am for bands that I LOVE! Hinder was alright...I think that they're trying to be Aerosmith, which doesn't even make my list of favorite artists (read: I don't like them). I like some of Hinder's songs, particularly "Get Stoned," which is ironic since I'm firmly opposed to drug use. But in any case, I'll classify them as "OK." I did, however, catch a pick that the guitarist threw. Well, I didn't so much "catch" it as "check the guy who tried to push me out of the way, then bend down and look for it,) but still, it is in my possession. He offered to buy me a beer if I'd give him the pick, but I hate beer, so I told him no thanks. (He doesn't know my experience with beer, which is both limited and bad. Think carnival rides on a stomach full of beer---I'm scarred for life.)Here I am with my pick, and Hinder in the background

Staind were very talented musicians, and I did know a few of their songs, but they were very, very mopey, and most of their songs sounded alike. And when I don't know the words to the songs, it just sounds like bass vibration because it was LOUD!

3 Doors Down hit the stage and I was amazed. They were very "on" musically, they were full of energy, and they were GRATEFUL! The lead singer, Brad, said thank you and God bless to his "friends" in the audience and just made it feel like he knew you. His appreciation was obvious, and it was incredibly heartwarming. I have a new appreciation for this band and can now safely consider myself a fan.

First PT appt

I went to PT today at 10:30. I'm really helping that this helps my knee but part of me is skeptical. I've experienced some pain, although very mild, since my surgery in 2000. Back in May, my knee suddenly swelled up like a balloon. I couldn't bend it or straighten it. It didn't really hurt, it was more like I had a big rubber band wrapped around it that prevented me from moving it. I even had a really difficult time walking, and a couple of times I had to even stop biking because I couldn't pedal. It started feeling better, but I went to the doctor anyway. It's tough to go to a doctor and say, "My knee was hurting a few weeks ago, but it's fine now." I feel kind of bad for the doctors who have to try to figure out what's wrong when they have nothing to go on. So now I'm in PT and we'll see if it helps. I'd really like to get back to doing more yoga, but some of the poses are really difficult since I can't bend very well, or put any weight directly on my knee (like when I have to kneel down or sit on my heels...I just realized that it's hard to describe what I'm thinking).

Right now I have to find some lunch, then get ready to drive to Buffalo. We're going to see a concert tonight--3 Doors Down, Hinder, and Staind. Not my favorite bands, but Chris likes them, and I like music (and Chris), so that's our plan for tonight. I'm tired just thinking about it.

...And in with the new

Alrighty, today is a new day and I have a new attitude! I need to keep the pessimism out of this blog. I still haven't decided whether or not I'm going to remove the negative posts. We'll see...

One thing I realized is that I have to put more pictures in my blog. The picture of Christ Church in Oxford that I posted in my blog yesterday looks so pretty!

I've been doing a little bit of yoga the last few days, and doing it has made me wonder why I don't do it more often. I think that's one of the reasons why I'm feeling so much better, emotionally and physically. Sometimes it's difficult for me because I have problems with my knee and both feet (they're completely flat), and balance is an issue, not because I'm unbalanced per se, but because I'm in pain (caused by my feet), or because my knee gives out on me, or because I can't bend it far enough. I have physical therapy tomorrow, which will address the knee issue. I don't know how much it will help, but I'll give it my all and hope for the best. As for the feet, I'm going to ask them at PT if they can help, and if not, I'm going to make an appt with a podiatrist.

I've decided that if it's possible, I want to teach yoga. It has been a dream of mine for several years, but I just can't seem to find the time to get certified. It seems like it will be a lot of work. And the truth is that I won't be able to make a living at it once I'm certified. But still, it's a goal to reach for, and one of the ways I can get a step closer to making it a reality is to practice every day. There are two benefits to it-- 1) I continue to get stronger and feel better, and 2) if an opportunity presents itself for me to become certified to teach it, I'll be fit, flexible, and ready to go through the certification program.

I went to the beach this morning. The main reason I went so early is that the car was parked at the end of our driveway, and it was blocking the sidewalk, which was making me paranoid. So I thought instead of starting the car up just to pull it into the garage, I'll actually drive it to the beach, something I wanted to do anyway, and when I come back, I'll park it in the garage. So that's what I did. The weather was kind of iffy--there were big clouds and it was really windy (although the temperature was gorgeous), but I decided to at least get out there for a few minutes. I stopped to take a couple of pictures (one can be seen below), then I walked toward the water. I found two pieces of glass, and then I heard a clap of thunder. The storm looked like it was blowing past where I was, but I value my life way too much to risk getting struck by lightning, so I scampered around picking up some nice pieces of shale, which I thought would be a great start to my flower beds, and then I got out of there. I sat in my car admiring the beauty of the sky, water, waves, etc..., and I decided to get out of the car and take just a few more pictures (seen above at the left and right).

It thundered again, though, and I took that as my sign to get out of there, so I made my way back to the car and went home with my loot. I saw some lightning as I was driving home, and I'm glad I wasn't on the beach at that time! (Oh, yesterday there were some waterspouts on the lake right in the area where I was today. I'm kind of bummed that I didn't get to see them, but I'm glad that I was a safe distance away from them.)

Out with the old

Ok, I'm going to TRY to make this the first day of my positive journey. I've resolved some of my inner battles and I've managed to get back in touch with myself a little bit. I'm going to touch upon what's been bothering me, and then I hope to let it go. Tomorrow will be a new day, and hopefully I'll be able to put that "positive sparkle" to my blog. So without further ado, a recap of my battle with negativity.

The more I think of it, the more I'm convinced that the slump that I fell into is somewhat of a delayed reaction to turning 30. My birthday came and went without any fanfare. We were in England, and we spent the day driving around the countryside, visiting Filkins and Oxford (pictured), then going back to Mark and Dorota and Tom's town (Kettering), enjoying a dinner at a lovely Italian restaurant, and back to their apartment for a delicious chocolate pie that Tom made. It was a beautiful day in so many ways. But it was kind of surreal. I mean, I was in England--a lifelong dream come true.

It's true that as a guidance counselor, I put a lot of my own life aside so that I can concentrate on my job. I don't get out to visit my family, I don't clean the house as often as I'd like, and I don't exercise enough... Part of it is because I take work home with me, and part of it is that I'm completely exhausted at the end of the day. (Ironically, if I could just find a little time to exercise, even half an hour, I know I would have more energy, and I'd also sleep better, but sometimes I just can't find the energy to get started.) But I digress...the point is that I often put emotions aside until I can deal with them at a more appropriate time. I think that's one of the reasons I so frequently get sick during vacations...I will stay healthy until I get a chance to rest, and then when that chance comes, I crash. Hard. I've gone on holiday several times while feeling completely miserable. Anyway, once the school year ended, I had time to come to terms with the fact that I'm entering a new phase of my life. Then with all of the other (albeit minor) stuff, I just felt really down.

I'm still bummed about the Mini, but I just try not to think about it that much. The truth is that it's just a car, and I'm lucky to have the means to buy a car that runs. The issues with my parents have not been resolved, and I honestly don't know which direction they'll end up going. My mom hasn't e-mailed me since last week, and I don't e-mail her because she'll twist around anything that I say to her. It's happened before, and I won't participate in that toxic behavior. It's frustrating that I'm "the successful one" in the family, but I'm like a ghost. No one pays a bit of attention to me, so I've come to enjoy the solitude, and I realize that I don't need them in order to be happy. It would be nice to be able to have a good relationship with them, but I always end up feeling like the only one who's trying to have a relationship (and I don't just mean my parents and grandparents, I mean my mom's siblings and their children. For the record, my dad's sister is one of my best friends). I feel like the uncool kid who's chasing the popular kids around, trying to get them to pay attention to me. But those days are over! I don't need validation from them. If they don't want to celebrate my successes with me, that's fine...I have a lovely group of friends right here at home to celebrate with. And Chris is the most wonderful person...we're best friends, we love spending time together, and no matter what kind of day I have, I know he wants to hear about it.

And the last big thing that was (is) bothering me is the family issue. This one, however, will probably not go away...it will only intensify. Whether or not to start a family is one of the most difficult decisions I will probably ever have to make. It's on my mind quite a lot, but I'm no closer to a decision. People say you're never truly ready, but I hope that at some point I get a lot more ready than I am right now!!!

So anyway, that is the summary of the issues that have been dragging me down...one is resolved, one is up in the air but I have come to terms with it, and one will probably never go away, but I guess that I wouldn't even really call that a problem...just a life altering decision that has to be made. I could very easily decide that I'm going to put it off indefinitely :) Actually, that leads me to a related topic...

Just because I throw up, doesn't mean I'm pregnant. Have I said this before? Probably, but hopefully this will be the last time. I throw up sometimes, just like everyone else in the world. Usually its due to migraines (or migraine-like headaches...I've never been diagnosed with migraines). But EVERY time I throw up, someone has to make a comment about pregnancy. But here's the deal--If I were pregnant, I would tell people WHEN I'M READY to tell them. You're supposed to wait three months before you start telling people, and Chris and I fully intend on abiding by that rule. So if I were pregnant, I wouldn't want people telling me that "I probably am," because then I'd have a hard time keeping the secret. I have no idea how I'd react to that comment if I actually were pregnant. Right now I just laugh it off and make comments about how I could never be a mother (which is pretty much how I feel). But I hate that people just assume that. They're taking away my right to keep a very personal matter private. It's not like I would hide it forever (obviously), but I just wish people would respect my privacy. It doesn't bother me as much when people say that I should have a baby or that I'd be a great mom (liars!), because to me, that's actually a compliment. I guess that there's just so much that goes into deciding to have a family that everything, including the announcement, will need to happen on my (well, OUR) terms.

And now that this rant is over, I will plan on becoming myself again in my next blog...and hopefully continue to have the positive, happy outlook that I enjoy so much.

I hate that I'm sometimes so pessimistic

So I've been thinking...maybe I'll move these negative, crabby posts to another location. I'm glad I wrote them, for I was able to release some of my pent up negativity, however, I've gotten WAY off the topic of what I wanted this blog to be....happiness, helping people, etc... It's kind of funny because I spend all school year excited about the idea of having some days off in the summer, and then summer comes and I get all depressed.

But maybe that same argument is a reason to leave these posts up here. It's proof that even people who genuinely want to be happy sometimes just have a hard time with it. I don't know if it's that I think too much, or that I'm hitting the "Oh my goodness, I'm 30" crisis, or that I'm afraid of what the future holds.

I try to remind myself that I'm here NOW, and I want to do what I can to help preserve the environment by reducing waste and reusing, well, everything! I love my job as a counselor, but when I really look within myself, I find that I'm happiest when I'm working on environmental things, whether it's creating things out of reused materials or making choices that are healthy for the environment. Is that what people consider "their calling"?

I keep adding to this blog, but I think I'm just going to post this and then work on getting some of my chores done now that it's stopped raining and it's light enough in the house to actually be able to see. A storm rolled in a couple hours ago and it was like nighttime in here!

(By the way, speaking of environmental things, I just have to mention something that made me smile... My friend Gina made my day when she told me that she uses cloth bags. Every little bit helps, and I was very, very happy, both that she uses the bags, and that she took the time to tell me about it :)

Do I say too much?

As I was finishing up my last post, I began to wonder if I was putting too much personal stuff on the internet. I mean, everyone can see it! My mom could hop on and read about what I want to do with the jet ski. So could my boss at work! But at the same time, anyone can get to my blog and see that despite what goes on in the world, I try to be mature, responsible, rational, and caring. So I don't know what to do... So far I only know of one person who has read my blog. I haven't exactly "gone public" with it yet.

That little hamster wheel in my head is always turning. I feel like I'm constantly worried about what other people will think. Grrr, sometimes I hate morals!

Depressed, frustrated

Although I have a very comfortable, happy life, and I'm thankful for everything that I have and everything that I do, and especially for the love and support I receive from Chris, I've felt so depressed lately. I'm still trying to pinpoint the problem, and as I write this, I'm realizing that if anyone actually reads this blog, they're going to think that all I do is whine and complain about my so-called problems. That's why I'm so overwhelmed right now. I'm a smiley person. I can always see the good in people. I love to help others, and I love to participate in activism, especially environmental, human rights, and animal rights. But right now I feel like happiness is right at my fingertips, and I remember what it feels like, and I want more of it, but I can't quite reach out and grab it.

I think I blogged about the jet ski yesterday, so we're all up to speed there. So now my mom is saying that we can keep the jet ski (actually she said that she doesn't want it), but that we'll need to insure it and that they want the trailer back. What the hell good is a jet ski going to be if we don't have a trailer for it? It's not like we have a lake to keep it in! I feel like my mom is playing games like she has in the past, and it's destroying me emotionally. Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that on numerous occasions in the past, my parents have said some incredibly hurtful things to me. It's even worse for me because I try with all my heart to be a good person and to make good decisions. I'm not easily offended, but doubting my intentions is a sure way to upset me.

So take the jet ski issue and add to it the fact that my favorite car EVER got traded in for car that I hate, and the fact that I'm thinking about whether or not I want to bring children into this crazy world sometime within the next five years, and I'm just a bundle of sadness and nerves.

And I feel so guilty about it, considering that these problems AREN'T REALLY PROBLEMS! I've had friends and family members with devastating illnesses...that's a problem. People have lost loved ones and all of their possessions in natural disasters...that's a problem. I've had friends who can't have kids at all...that's a problem. Jet ski issues, irrational family members, trading in cars, and indecisiveness about reproducing....not really problems! I mean, I still have to deal with them. (Except for the car thing...it's done, and I'm trying to move on. I'm still ticked about it, but the emotions about the Mini only really start to bubble over when I start thinking about the other things. It's more of an "icing on the cake," if you will. And by cake I mean mudpie. And by icing I mean worms. But you get the picture.)

As for the jet ski thing, what I want to do is to take it down to Cuba, drop it off, and leave it. I don't want to deal with it now, and I didn't want to deal with it in the first place. I wish this had never happened, and I made that very clear two years ago. It was a stupid, stupid mistake, especially with my parents' history of irrational behavior toward me. Lesson learned, money lost...I just want to move on. I have to get the truck fixed anyway, so I just want to take the jet ski with me when I take the truck down to Mike's shop, drop it off at my parents' house, and leave it there. When the truck is done, I'll come back to Dunkirk. End of story. I can't believe that this has turned into a fight!

My issues with reproducing deserve a separate blog posting. As ambivalent as I am, I don't want to have a story about my future offspring wrapped up in a blog post about fights with my parents.

Never get into a financial transaction with a family member

I knew this wouldn't be a good idea, yet we went ahead with it anyway...Two years ago we traded in my parents' jet ski for a newer (but not NEW) jet ski, and now the reality of life is getting in the way.

The timing of the trade-in was horrible...it happened just a month after my dad's surgery. During that surgery they discovered that he had cancer, so he was out of work for about 2 months. My parents didn't need anything more to worry about at that time. They were drained financially and emotionally, and they were also probably dealing with my brother's problems, too.

Additionally, my parents are notoriously irrational. Knew that as long as everything was perfect, that the transaction would be fine (except for the constant hounding about how long we keep the jet ski at our house, preventing people at the lake (read: TIM) from being able to use it).

Now the jet ski is broken. My parents put it in the water at the beginning of the season, and Chris drove it for the first time when we were in Cuba for July 3rd. He said that there was not much power, and that something was wrong. After a little research and some phone calls, he concluded that it is most likely the wear ring, which will cost about $300 to replace. The problem was most likely caused by a rock getting sucked up into the impeller. Now, one could conclude that since Chris didn't drive it at all this season, that it would have been caused by one of the two people who did drive it...my dad or my brother. But now my mom is flipping out at Chris because she thinks he is blaming dad or Tim for breaking it.

My mom's "solution" is that we can get the jet ski fixed, send her the bill so she can pay for the repairs, we can keep the jet ski, but we have to take the trailer back to them so they can get a new jet ski. That makes perfect sense, right? We'll have a jet ski that will make a lovely lawn ornament, and they'll have to spend $5000+ on a jet ski...rather than spending $300 to repair it. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't see how that's a workable solution.

On the one hand, I believe that if you broke it, you fix it. On the other hand, I believe that my parents don't have the money to pay for expensive repairs. After all, they're spending too much money to pay for all of my brother's mistakes.

This whole situation sucks and I'm stuck right in the middle. I feel like when it comes down to it, I'm disposable. Heck, a couple of years ago I was talking to my parents about something that upset me very much, and rather than listening to what I was saying, they asked about the jet ski. I just want to get rid of it and not have to worry about it. The fun we have on it isn't worth the emotional pain this causes me.

Insomnia

I...can...not...sleep. When I'm in sleeping mode, I sleep like a champ. When I'm in not-sleeping mode, I lie awake in bed for hours at a time. I had a little extra help not sleeping tonight because Dolly was clawing the hell out of me, and I have the bloody legs to prove it. But this is just another sleepless night in a string of sleepless nights. It drives me nuts. I have an amazingly comfortable bed and I share it with an amazingly comfortable person who doesn't even snore! Yet there are times when it's actually like torture to stay in bed. So tonight I decided to get up. Mostly because Dolly was being such a pain (literally!), and I didn't want her to keep Chris awake since he has to work tomorrow. But also, I figured maybe I could actually put this time to use. I'm still not sure what to do, but after this blog is finished, I'm going to figure it out.

I realized recently that there are some things that are too personal to blog about. It's not that I have secrets, but they're more like internal battles that I have to sort out for myself. I used to have this idea that in a blog I could say anything, and I guess that's true, but there are some things I just don't want to say, at least not yet. Sometimes I just get so pensive. I start thinking about everything and I feel overwhelmed, even a little depressed. Then I feel guilty because I truly have nothing to be depressed about. Maybe I don't feel like blogging about it because I don't even know where to start.

Dilated pupils--whoa!

Oh man, I had to go to the eye doctor today because I was a year and a half overdue for my eye exam. I have a problem with a bit of a floater, so she had to dilate my pupils. I didn't think it would really be that big of a deal, but boy, was I wrong! At first, my eyes just felt really sticky, but then my vision got all blurry and I got dizzy and it was one of the weirdest sensations ever. Then she took me back into the exam room and shined all kinds of lights into my eyes. It wasn't painful, but it was just freakin' hard to keep my eyes open with miniature suns pouring into them. She actually had to pry my eyelids open! I'm probably going to have some black eyes tomorrow.

But I did pick out some new glasses. My optometrist carried the coolest glasses! I'd like new glasses (my current glasses are 3.5 years old, and could break at any time, so they recommended a backup pair), and I really need new sunnies as well. I'm going to see how much money we have in our flex account, and if we have enough, I may end up getting both pairs of glasses because the money HAS to be used by the end of August. I guess that there are worse things that could happen!

First time driving the new Jetta

So I broke down and drove the new Jetta today. I had an eye doctor appointment and had to run some errands before and afterwards. I didn't stall it, so that was good. (It's a 6-speed stick.) It drives nicely, but it's a lot softer than I like. I prefer nice crisp handling. This is more like an "adult car," and I'm not ready for that. I have a few gripes...the keyhole is weird, the headrest is WAY uncomfortable (makes me carsick when I drive...not cool!) and a few other things. I'm only this picky because, well, I'm picky about cars. Seriously. I should write for car and driver.

So anyway, it's a car. That's all I can really say. It has a nice engine and some get up and go, but other than that, it's pretty blah.

Summer days

I've had a few days off this week. I'm a little frustrated by this, actually, because I still have to go in to my office for a few days. I just don't know when those days are. I have to have one day to do the remediation schedule and to meet with our director of instruction to make sure that's all set, and I have to go in two other days so that kids can come in and change their schedules if they wish. The schedule change days will probably be in July 17 and 18. I'd like to go in tomorrow and do the remediation stuff, but I have to call my secretary and see if the transcripts are ready to be signed.

I don't mind going in to work...I'd just like to keep going there until I'm DONE, and then I'll start vacation mode.

I'm feeling a little guilt creeping in as I talk about "vacation mode." I am fully aware that I'm quite spoiled with the job that I have. True, I tend to put in a lot of extra time during the school year, but I also get most of the vacations that the kids get, and I get a few weeks off during the summer. Not as much time off as teachers, but still, I get time off. And that's pretty cool. (Of course, it gives me enough time to realize how much I love being home, and then I have to go back to work, but I also make pretty decent money, so if I want the money, I have to work for it.)

So for the past few days, I've worked on some of my projects, yesterday I ran a bunch of errands, and today I've worked on some of my stuff for Girl Talk. (See, I'm working from home.) I'll work tomorrow, and two days next week, and a day or two here and there, but I'm sure looking forward to having some time to just spend doing home improvement projects, spring cleaning (yes, I know I'm a few months late for that, but I have to do it when time and energy permits, which is sometime at the end of July).

I think I've figured it out

I've started to pinpoint why I'm feeling so horrible. I think it has to do with waste and over-consumerism, if that's even a word. On the same day, we got rid of a car to get a new car, and we got Wii Fit, a Nintendo game designed to help users get into better shape by playing games and stuff. So here's my gripe:

Producing a car causes a lot of pollution. Have you ever seen how they make steel? I don't know a lot about the process, but I know that it involves putting that nasty stuff in water, then the water gets all junky, and then what do you do with it? And the paint that they use on the body...that stuff is toxic! The fumes and chemicals do a lot of damage to the environment. I know this just scratches the surface, too.

Then we got Wii Fit. I was very excited to get it, and I think it's going to be a ton of fun to play. However, we got this big board made of plastic that uses four batteries to run, and then you have to turn on the TV to play it. Do you know that a lot of our electricity comes from coal? That's a fossil fuel! And while electricity seems like a clean energy source, it's actually very harmful! So the depressing thought there is that we can't just go out and do work to exercise. No, we have to drive our fat asses around in SUVs to get to the store, and we always drive around to get the closest parking spots (well, some of us do), and then we need a GAME to get ourself into shape or to keep ourselves that way. What happened to good nutrition and hard work?

Blowing off steam like this helps me to feel a little better. It also helps me realize that if I want to make a difference, I need to keep leading by example, and to keep up my hobbies that help the environment, such as recrafting objects, reusing items, etc...

I know we all have our missions, and some of them are very different, but if we want to leave this beautiful world to our children and grandchildren, and not have them breathe toxic fumes or roast to death in sweltering heat, we have to do something now.

Here's something to think about: Have you ever tried to breathe after a semi drives by you as you bike/run/walk/roller blade down a road? I have had that unpleasant experience many times. That's what happens when we buy too much stuff...trucks drive around for everything from ~getting the supplies to make it to ~delivering it to your door to ~hauling it away in the garbage truck when you're done with it, and they spew those horrible fumes into the air
every time they roll out of the garage. I used to be the type of person who liked to buy stuff, especially if it was on sale, but it's gotten a lot easier to remind myself that I DON'T NEED IT!

I'm in a funk

I really feel depressed today. I can't believe I'm posting this for all to read because it's truly embarrassing. Losing my car has really changed the way I look at things. It was worse than turning 30. WAY worse. I feel like my "fun life" is over, and now it's time for a "responsible life." Anyone who knows me will see the irony in that. The Mini was the ONLY frivolous thing in my life, and it wasn't even that frivolous. It got us from point A to point B in style and nearly 40mpg. I feel like this car brings us one step closer to family life, and if you're wondering how I feel about that topic, back up a few blog posts and you'll see.

I pride myself on being responsible...the bills are always paid on time, I pick up my dog's poop in biodegradable baggies (expensive biodegradable baggies, I might add), I follow a healthy diet, I stick to my morals, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. And I do all of these things not because I have to, but because I want to. (Not that I want to spend $8 for a pack of biodegradable baggies when I could very well get plastic bags at the store and then use them to pick up the poop, but I am, first and foremost, an environmentalist, and my moral compass points me to the biodegradable bags.)

Being responsible for myself is a piece of cake. I'm responsible for Chris and the animals as well, but it's still not hard. Now I'm getting a car (no, I HAVE a car) that makes me feel like a parent just by looking at it. Besides thinking that the car is ugly and cheap looking, it shocks me into the reality that someday there may be a carseat in the back seat. Maybe more than one carseat!

I don't know what bothers me more...the fact that I had to give up something I love so much, or the fact that it's time for me to grow up. I'm still trying to reason that out in my head. Obviously there's not much reason going on up there, though. But if I could nail down my emotions and figure out where all of this weepiness is coming from, that would be a step in the right direction.

I'm in love with a car

Yes, it's true, (I guess this qualifies as a confession), I'm in love with a car, but not a car that I'm getting. I'm in love with a car that we're getting rid of. At this very moment, Chris is at Northtown auto dealership trading in our beloved Fletcher for a car that I really, really don't want. I am fully aware that I'm being completely irrational, however, cars are one of my vices. I will shop at the salvation army for clothes, and I will do without a lot of things, but I have to have a car that I love. I don't need an expensive car, I just need to love it. The Mini Cooper was my dream car. The fact that I could get a turquoise one made it even better. But Chris is the one who drove it most of the time, and I drove the black Jetta. The Jetta was to be returned in August (we leased it), so then we'd have Fletcher, the Mini, and Elphie, the Pilot (green, of course). I can see where Chris was coming from...driving it every day was probably a little rough on him. The small size and tight suspension made it kind of a punishing ride, and he has to drive to downtown Buffalo every day for his job. Still, I'm very sad to be getting rid of it. I'm crying real tears of sorrow knowing that Chris will not be driving home in Fletcher, but instead will be pulling into the driveway with a red 2008 VW Jetta Wolfsburg. I know I will be judged for this posting (if anyone reads it) for crying over something so trivial, but this is who I am. I am a car lover. One who drove a Mini Cooper for a glorious 11 months, and who smiled every time I got behind the wheel.

Here it is on the day we picked it up.


One day we loaded it up with Chris' planes and took it to the flying field.

We're car shopping. Again.

Confession: We're compulsive car shoppers. Right now we have three cars. The oldest one is a 2004. We have a reason for having three cars, but still....we have three cars. And two people to drive them. Sure, having three cars came in handy the day that the Jetta broke, because I drove back home and took the Pilot instead. This is the second time we've had three cars. Last time, Chris had a job in Cheektowaga. We had a Jetta and a Grand Cherokee, and both of us had long commutes, so we got a Corolla to get him to work. Then he got a job closer to home, so we traded in the Jeep and the Corolla and got the Pilot. We were back down to two cars while Chris was working in town, but then he got another job in Buffalo, this time at Canisius College, so we went car shopping again last summer and ended up with a Mini Cooper. Back to three cars.

We balloon financed the Jetta, and that term is up in August, so we thought we'd be getting rid of the Jetta this year and go back down to two cars, but somehow we're shopping again. This time we'll probably trade in the Jetta and the Mini so we'll be back down to two cars, but we will have had the Mini for less than a year! I'll be bummed to get rid of that car...I really love it. But then again, I hardly ever get to drive it, so it won't make a whole lot of difference anyway.