Tuesday, July 8, 2008

I'm in a funk

I really feel depressed today. I can't believe I'm posting this for all to read because it's truly embarrassing. Losing my car has really changed the way I look at things. It was worse than turning 30. WAY worse. I feel like my "fun life" is over, and now it's time for a "responsible life." Anyone who knows me will see the irony in that. The Mini was the ONLY frivolous thing in my life, and it wasn't even that frivolous. It got us from point A to point B in style and nearly 40mpg. I feel like this car brings us one step closer to family life, and if you're wondering how I feel about that topic, back up a few blog posts and you'll see.

I pride myself on being responsible...the bills are always paid on time, I pick up my dog's poop in biodegradable baggies (expensive biodegradable baggies, I might add), I follow a healthy diet, I stick to my morals, I don't drink, I don't smoke, I don't do drugs. And I do all of these things not because I have to, but because I want to. (Not that I want to spend $8 for a pack of biodegradable baggies when I could very well get plastic bags at the store and then use them to pick up the poop, but I am, first and foremost, an environmentalist, and my moral compass points me to the biodegradable bags.)

Being responsible for myself is a piece of cake. I'm responsible for Chris and the animals as well, but it's still not hard. Now I'm getting a car (no, I HAVE a car) that makes me feel like a parent just by looking at it. Besides thinking that the car is ugly and cheap looking, it shocks me into the reality that someday there may be a carseat in the back seat. Maybe more than one carseat!

I don't know what bothers me more...the fact that I had to give up something I love so much, or the fact that it's time for me to grow up. I'm still trying to reason that out in my head. Obviously there's not much reason going on up there, though. But if I could nail down my emotions and figure out where all of this weepiness is coming from, that would be a step in the right direction.

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